Updated: Mar 7
When Will You Know if Your Relationship is Ready for a Baby?
It’s easy to get caught up in the joys of relationship bliss and wanting to take your relationship to the next level by starting your little family, but the big question is, “WHEN? Ts it the right time? Are we ready?”, which is why I wanted to shed some light to help you navigate when to have a baby.
We all ask these questions to our friends, family members, etc. and the response is almost always the same “you will never be ready”, and this answer is most commonly addressed to financial concerns; and as big as financial concerns are, I think the bigger concern that needs to be given ample time and space is if your relationship dynamic is ready and capable of adding a very demanding component into the relationship.
Evaluating your relationship, whether it be marriage or not (it’s 2020, let people live their damn lives), is crucial and something I definitely should have done to figure out when to have a baby.
It’s important to closely and carefully audit your relationship. I know, that sounds cold and like your relationship is some type of business transaction, but when a child is added to the mix, it kind of is. Sometimes it’s not just about when to have a baby, but is the relationship capable of having a baby.
Some important questions to have firm concrete answers to are:
How do you guys communicate?
How do you perceive gender roles and how does that translate into a parenting dynamic?
What do disciplinary roles look like to each of you?
How will the work of parenting be split between the two of you?
What are your realistic expectations of each other in your new parental roles?
How will you accommodate your relationship and prioritize your love?
How do you guys handle disagreements?
What is your new financial plan in terms of spending, saving, etc. How will you now budget the endless cost of a child?
When can both you and your partner plan time for your own personal wants and needs and free time?
How do the in-laws/grandparents/non-immediate family members play a role in the newborn stage?
What’s plan B and C for if financial trouble occurs?
There are so many other questions you could explore, but this gives you an idea of what needs to be discussed before bringing a child into this world and more importantly, into your relationship. Deciding when to have a baby is a big deal and it is one that should be given as much consideration as you would in any other major life decision, if possible. Things happen, I get it!
Why Is This Important?
It’s better to have a clear blueprint or idea of how the relationship will look and be like when you are no longer in a position to be spontaneous and have endless freedom as a couple.
The reduced date nights, the lack of alone time, and the demanding schedule of a newborn and infant takes the romance out of most days and nights. It’s good to plan ahead in terms of when you would feel ready having someone you trust watch the baby, but also how frequently, so you and your honey can still remain connected.
With a newborn you’re not sleeping, you’re switching baby shifts, and you’re up to your ears in diapers, problems and situations become amplified, just like in any other high stress situation. Understanding this and being prepared to handle each other with grace and understanding will be the ultimate advantage to your relationship.
Tensions run high when one or both parents have to go back to work and life shifts back to normal + baby. It can be super rocky and really hard to balance the roles of both parents. One is bound to feel more spent than the other. One is bound to feel less appreciated than the other.
It’s so essential to know this going into it and have your plan in place on how to avoid these issues to come up, especially if you suppress your emotions or have a hard time communicating with one another. Conflict avoidance is not the tea during this time.
Alright, We Get It… Now What?
If you and your person feel like you’re both on the same page about when to have a baby, then honey, it’s time to go get those ovulation tests, some champagne, get a baby-making playlist going, and get to it!
Start taking prenatals, get into an exercise routine, and eat healthy! If you’re weird like I am, utilize this site as well: Sperm Meets Egg Plan.
Know that you will get pregnant when you’re meant to. Don’t put a time table on it, don’t stress it, just enjoy the process, sis!
Also, utilize this time to make your plan as a couple for how you would realistically like things to look like when you’re pregnant and after. If you want your partner to be doting, tell them! If you want them to let you be a warrior woman and leave you alone, let that be known too.
Also, if you want a glimpse at some unusual pregnancy symptoms to plan for, check it here.
The more effective communication the better.
Good luck to you and your future family!
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