• Chas

Pregnancy Symptoms No One Tells You About…

Updated: Mar 8

Pregnancy. Growing bellies, aches and pains, and morning sickness. These are the common symptoms we all hear about and expect when we get that first positive test, but no one ever talks about the embarrassing, strange, and flat out bizarre symptoms that also take place. Since I was caught off guard at some of these symptoms, I figured maybe others are caught off guard as well! So, here are the pregnancy symptoms no one tells you about so you can plan accordingly.

 Holy Hair Growth.

Good lord the hair growth is unreal. I’m chalking it up to my prenatal vitamins, but I feel like a sheep. In addition to, I’m getting close to having some gnarly handlebar sideburns and shaving my legs has never been so difficult and tiring.

Donde Esta El Baño?

Peeing is the new norm. It’s the new black. You pee all day long. As your belly and baby grow, your bladder gets squished more and more. The need to pee becomes so real that it feels like you had 6 cups of coffee. One minute you’re fine and the next you’re power waddling to the nearest restroom, AND, it is the MOST anti-climatic pee of your life. Two drops!? WTF IS THAT?! Don’t worry, you’ll go again in 5 minutes…

Serious Sweat.

You might want to purchase a mobile fan that you can take with you everywhere because holy crap it’s so hot. Your significant other will be frozen from you blasting the A/C, while you’re in shorts and a sports bra and sweating up a storm. Word to the wise, watch for chaffing.

Hunchback of Notre Dame.

Walking becomes more of a game with gravity. Your center of gravity completely shifts and your abdominal muscles tire out quickly. I walk into Target upright and leave with a slight bend at the waist. With my belly not being fully prominent yet, I’m sure they think I have eaten something bad and am rushing to use a restroom. Cute.

Superhero Sense of Smell.

You’re sense of smell becomes out of this world…And it’s not pretty. You will smell things so strongly and 9 times out of 10 they send you into a dry heaving spell. It is honestly my least favorite symptom. The best is walking past an older man who literally used the entire bottle of cologne that day.

Bologna Barb.

If your community theatre is putting on a production of Pitch Perfect, you 100% could land the roll of Bologna Barb. I don’t think I need to elaborate…And if I do, your nipples take on a whole new aesthetic and it’s not cute.

Get that Fiber Boo.

Good luck being regular. It will become a thing of the past. Constipation is your new friend and apparently it gets worse as you get further into your pregnancy. Yay!

 Pregnancy Gingivitis.

…Is a thing. We can thank our overload of hormones for almost all of these symptoms and this one is no different. Your gums can become tender and swollen and bleed when you floss and brush. Stay on top of it and it will go away after baby comes.

“Aw Man… I Leaked.”

If you didn’t catch the Finding Nemo reference, shame on you! But in all reality, sneezing, coughing, and laughing are all hazardous at this point. Pack some liners, a tarp, maybe even some rain boots.

I Had a Dream… No Really, I Did.

Your dreams become SUPER weird and sometimes really scary. I have only had a few, but they were seriously weird.

Fire Breathing Dragon.

Heartburn is one way of downplaying the transformation you make from human to dragon. The heartburn is more like a crash course to Fire Breathing 101.


You thought PMS emotions were a lot? Girllll, get ready to cry, a lot, and then laugh, and then get furious… All within a five minute span.

Gas, Gas, Baby.

You will make that college frat you always hung out with look like debutantes. Between the belches, hiccups, and flatulence, you’re no longer a lady. More like a science experiment.

Slumber Party.

Your baby will treat each night as its first slumber party. Expect a rave in your belly as you finally get into your comfy bed to relax and doze off. Not happening, it’s time to party according to little ones around the world. If that’s not enough to keep you up, the constant trips to pee will.

Lighting Crotch.

Nope. Not a band. Just a very uncomfortable situation that will occur during your pregnancy. Want to know what it feels like to be kicked in the hoo-ha? No? Me either, but we now get to find out regardless.

Enjoy Your New Set of Cow Utters.

Your milk producing lady lumps will take on a lot of phases throughout your pregnancy. From being SO incredibly sore, to feeling engorged, droopy, and heavy. When sitting down it feels like the girls are taking a seat with you…on your belly. But wait until they start leaking…yes more leaky bits. Can someone call a plumber?

As hard and challenging as it can be, it is one of the most exciting times ever and I am so happy and blessed to go through all of this and be able to sit and laugh about it. If only I could share some of the situations I have been in so far, not even a team of writers could make it up.

Here’s to 21 weeks and my little girl who is now the size of Bok Choy!


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